Man, I can't believe Zander is 6 months already. It easily seems like yesterday I found out I was even pregnant. Now, here he is, laying belly to belly with me on his Boppy Pillow nursing away while I type this to you. Breastfeeding has been all kinds of degrees of things for me. When I had Calvin I just assumed I would breastfeed him. I never thought that it would be hard or that I wouldn't be able to. But, I was 17 and didn't know it but I should have been adament with the nurses because they didn't take me seriously and gave him a bottle instead. He never latched on after that. I even stayed in the hospital an extra day just to work with a hopspital lactation consultant to get him on. It really broke my heart and I felt more than rejected. I think that this is the foundation our relationship was built on and unfortunately it has been a major struggle to connect with Calvin.
With Kiyra things went better. I do remember it being a bit painful. I have this vivid memory of needing to pump in order to get the actual milk flowing and pumping was something I did out of desperation. I wasn't sure how it was supposed to go so I just did whatever sounded good and at that moment all I wanted to do was get it out. My breasts felt like skin sacks of hot lava rocks. Ouch. I also remember my nipples cracking and bleeding. It was aweful. Truly. Breasfeeding Kiyra definitely started out rocky, but we ended up doing just fine - and I don't ever remember questioning what I was doing or how long I would do it for. Things just ended naturally. I can't even remember how old she was when we stopped....wow...was it really that long ago?
Zander has been a dream though. Going into it this time I thought I would put the lanolin on my nipples everytime right frm the beginning and other than the initial days of tenderness from getting used to being sucked on so much, I experienced absolutely no pain or discomfort. I was determined to latch him on from birth and I think that is why we have been so compatible. It's truly been a dream.
I've determined to nurse Zander for as long as he wants....I don't see myself going beyond 3, but I do see myself going up to it. Some people think I'm crazy - bt the majority of the world would understand so it's all good. I do what I want primarily anyways. I just can't believe that even if I WAS going to breastfeed him for a year it would already be over halfway there. Where does the time go? I need to obtain a spell so that I may keep him tiny...even if just for one more minute.