Recovered Poetry

I used to write. A lot. I was digging through some old memories and found some of my stuff....it's all from the beginning of mine and Shawn's relationship. 


You constantly contradict yourself,
you say one thing and mean another.
You hide your true feelings inside,
always choosing the undercover.
I'm tired of the games we play.
I'm tired of the things you say.
I've tried my best and lost the fight,
so it's time we go our seperate ways.
It breaks my heart to see it end like this,
I could have loved you so very much.
I'll remember all of the wonderful things,
your songs, your smile, your touch.
Just remember I loved who you are,
If I didn't I'd be insane.
You have such a beautiful heart and soul,
and I never want you to change.
I may not have you by my side, 
but you will always be there.
Living eternally in my heart
through the moments that we shared.

Jan '99

Love, ect.

The butterflies inside my mind
everytime you speak my name.
Familiar shadows paint my walls,
yet nothing looks the same.
I beat down the walls of my soul,
hoping to gain some self control.
Feelings of my past haunt my spirit,
my darkness takes it's toll.
Fear of loosing all that I have
scared of caring too damn much.
My tears of pain slowly melt away
the moment that we touch.
Skeletons in my closet disapear,
nothing matters anymore.
All I know is loving him
is making my heart soar.

Feb. '99

Traces of my fingertips run up and down your spine,
My lipstick is on your collar as we leave this world behind.
I'm constantly beating my face into the wall,
you mean to save me -and yet you stall.
Soon you will come to understand my will,
as soon as you see that I love you still.
I refuse defeat until it's love we share
underestimating my power will get you no where.
Pain runs it's steak through my aching heart
each time we begin to grow apart.
I know you love me deep in your soul
and that you are begging me to take control.
Yet when I reach you cut off my hands,
this is the part I don't understand.
The fear in your heart is nothing new
I believe I am the soul who will break through.
Faith and trust is all that I need
to get this relationship to suceed.
It's a beautiful thing when two hearts become one,
you will understand what I mean when I am done.
Playing with fire is sure to get me burned,
this is a hard lesson that I have learned.
Yet staying away is the hardest part,
Especially when the flame is your beating heart.

March '99

I had this dream that you were all alone,
with no one around to call your own.
This sadened my heart and made me cry,
to see the emptiness and pain in your eyes.
What would you do withough someone to hold?
What would you do without someone to grow old?
Who would be there to sing you to sleep?
Who would be there to cry when you weap?
With no one around to run fingers through your hair,
who would show you exactly how much they care?
How could you wake in a cold lonely bed,
with no loving thoughts to go through your head?
Sitting alone at a table for two,
wishing someone beautiful was sitting with you.
But, then I awoke and you were right there,
so I started running my fingers through your hair.
You smiled in your sleep and it all made me see,
that I'm not only lucky to have you - 
but you are lucky to have me.

July '99

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