The one we had lost was an accident. I found out I was pregnant 3 days after our wedding and had truly felt as though it was a blessing. It felt special that the baby was at the wedding even though we didn't know it at the time. We did a traditional Native American ceremony where we tied the Eagle Feathers together in union between us. I loved looking back and knowing that I was pregnant during this sacred moment. When Shawn and I went to give our offering of food to our ancestors he gave me my wedding ring. We knew it was possible that I was pregnant at the time and Shawn said "I wouldn't mind if you were"....we were so happy when we found out. Then at 10 weeks I lost the baby and it broke my heart and soul. I really didn't even want anymore kids, really. I think that it is socially irresponsible to have more than three. My personal belief is that if you want more than three there are plenty of kids out there who desperately need a home. Anyways, after I lost the baby I began to want one more. I began to face the fact that I may never have a child again and that really broke my heart. My youngest was 7, so I felt a time crunch. If we were going to have another one, we had to do it now. After the miscarriage I really wanted to try again but Shawn was not quite as on board as I was. Every month I would hope that we would start trying, and every time I got my period it broke my heart. So, when I found out I was pregnant for Zander I was overjoyed and determined to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy and his infancy. I'm very proud to say that so far I have done just that.
The first trimester was a nightmare. I had always experienced morning sickness all the way through my pregnancies, but never like this. I have no idea how I or this tiny being was able to survive. I lost almost 20 pounds and I really don't have much to loose in the first place. Shawn would come home to me almost passed out on the floor, my ribs easily visible through my skin.At first they gave me a pill to help, but I couldn't keep it down. Then they gave me a suppository and that only took the edge off of the sickness. Finally I received a dissolvable pill that they usually give to cancer patients. Other than the serious migraine headache I would get from it, I finally found some relief and could start eating again.
After the first trimester I felt a lot better. My belly didn't seem to really start growing until after 23 weeks or so. I celebrated my changing body and couldn't wait to have a big round belly. I truly enjoy the beauty in pregnancy. There were three things I was determined to do while I was pregnant this time. I wanted to get henna on my belly, do a belly cast and get some really great pictures. Looking back, I am SO glad I did all three. But, really looking back I just can not believe how quickly it all went by!!! Here we are - not even a full year after I found out I was pregnant and Zander is already 3 months old. It really is amazing how much can change is such a small amount of time, so much so it's almost hard to believe.
Belly Cast....it's harder than you think.
Some of the pics from my beautiful photo shoot with Paul Petersen
I have the greatest friends.
My "Green" Baby Shower
BFF Kaitlyn and I...about 5 days before she delivered. ;)
Now look at them....
Three months ago:
(Zander loves the Moby!)
To this ridiculously cute face-
All in THREE MONTHS. He's huge!
It can't believe how fast this all goes. No matter what stage you are at in your life, whether you have children or not, please, take the time to appreciate this moment. It'll be gone before we know it.