I'm feeling a bit spread thin. I've been so focused on getting my doula certification finished (which I have done!) and I have been working on The CommonUnity Center and my Doula website, as well as the upcoming event A Day For Babes so much lately that it seems I have little to no time to give to Gypsy Jewels. I'm beginning to wonder how I can bring it all together and what that might mean for me. Will I have to give up a couple of things? I'm sure I will...I already have had to give up some stuff. I'm considering getting rid of my Etsy shop as well as this blog only because I don't really know how it will all tie in together and I'm aware that I simply can not do "it all".
My Crowning Lotus website has been becoming my focus, but, it's a little heartbreaking because I have poured so much of myself into this blog and building it up to what it is today. But, to be completely honest, I don't even know how many people out there even read what I take the time to write. The reason I became a blogger was not only to write, but to find and connect with people out there. But, little to none of that has actually happened. I can't help but wonder how many of the 101 subscribers I have actually ever even come back here to check this site out or if they simply subscribed as an extra entry for one of my many giveaways I have participated in on other blogs. I guess my point is, why am I making all this extra effort if no one is noticing it or even cares?
I've never been the kind of blogger that could only write about what I was creating or just about the sunshine in my life. I'm real. I write about the good, the bad, and the controversial. I am not afraid of loosing readers, I believe that people will filter themselves out and the ones that don't want to read my truths aren't worthy of it anyways. I've always been that way. But, I have to admit, I wanted to see the number go up on my google friends widget. I wanted more comments. Even though I really do try to blog like no one is reading, inside I really do want people to read it. Otherwise it does tend to feel a bit like a waste of time. Especially considering all of the websites that I learned from about how to be more successful with my art online talked about how important having a blog was and how I could reach more people. So, there was an agenda in starting this....but I admit I didn't stick with the cookie cutter format that others had found success in. It just wasn't genuine to me. I felt like if that's what people wanted there are about a billion blogs out there that are almost exactly alike that they can choose from. Not to mention, MY favorite blogs are the ones that are unafraid of being too real on.
So, now, I'm starting to wonder what kind of blog I need. I still want a place to bring my thoughts too, and I don't think that my Crowning Lotus website is exactly the place for it, but I am beginning to think that I don't necessarily want to call myself Gypsy Jewels anymore - or that I may be changing the entire format of what I write about on here. I'm just feeling like I'm in the process of changing and that my focus is as a doula now, I want to be a part of changing the birth scene for our society. I still want to create art, but, the art I've been creating is stuff for babies and mamas. The jewelry has certainly taken a back seat for now.
Le sigh. I am still figuring this all out. If any of you are actually reading this out there, let me know what you think about all this. Do I keep this blog and simply continue to write about what I want to write about, or should I start fresh with something that I can easily associate with myself as a doula. My only reservation in this is that I have built up 101 followers, and that I am a bit afraid of starting from scratch....but, at the same time, maybe that is just what I need to do.