It seems like every up has a down, and lately I've been in the down. I'm not thinking of this as a bad thing, though, instead I am using to my advantage as a time to truly sit back and reflect on my life and where I am going. The next move to make is always an important one, so it's important to be able to see the path clearly.
I've spoken of my recent journey of self discovery and how it has been taking me in unexpected and intriguing areas of my life. For the first time I feel clear and primed to move forward with everything that I have learned over the past 30 years and truly share my talents with the world.
I have had to question myself - am I an artist who is also a doula, or am I a doula who is also an artist?
The difference to me is clear. The one in front is the one that my focus is on, and I have determined that I am definitely a doula who is also an artist. I have spent a lot of my time trying to work with the art and try to make it the vehicle, but, my passion - what really makes my heart go pitter patter is working as a birth doula. I love the idea of giving these women something that will contribute to not only their well being, but also facilitates the most important relationship in the world....that of a mother and her child.
If you've been following this blog long enough, you may know I have some mother abandonment issues. Perhaps this is my way of making up for what I feel I lost with my mother. I do strongly believe that behind most destructive, negative people there is a major dysfunction at home. So, if we could help these mothers build stronger connections to their instincts and then to their babies, maybe, just maybe these babies will be less prone to this kind of difficulty in life....and maybe that will lead to more peace and love. And, ultimately THAT is what I'm really all about. If you teach a mother to believe in herself and facilitate bonding with her child, she will better be equipped to pass those same qualities down to that child. She will also be less prone to experiencing bouts of Postpartum Depression. I'm really honored to be a part of this picture.
I feel SO good about the direction that I see myself going in. I see the value in myself and in what I do, and for the first time I am understanding value and what it means in my life. The whole family has been sick, but I'm finding joy in sitting back and taking all of this in. There is limitless potential within me and I know that I have only scraped the surface here. Even though I have been sick and have been taking care of my children who have also been sick, I have never felt more alive than I do right now.