3.06.2011

Day Five: A Breakthrough.

I woke up in the morning slowly again, still crabby. The kids were yelling at each other and fighting with each other, all I could think was "Ugh, I don't want to go out there."....so I didn't for awhile. When I did the house was destroyed. As usual. I started bitching about it and telling the kids WHY it's bull shit to destroy the house every day like this and how I didn't think it was fair that every day I had to wake up an clean up other people's messes, like I have so many times before. I was craving coffee pretty badly, but I resisted. It was my last day committed to quitting anyways, so I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I decided that I wasn't going to do ANYTHING, so I sat down in the recliner and decided to watch Netflix. "The Secret" is a new movie on there, and I had heard a little bit about it and thought "why not?". I think I couldn't have made a better choice! 'The Secret', in case you are unfamiliar, is basically all about the law of attraction. I have been practicing within this law naturally and have instinctively known this for quite some time. Lately though I feel like it has completely severed within me. I have allowed self doubt to creep it's ugly way into my head and take over. I see the problem very clearly now, and I am addressing it within myself and my relationships.

Some thing I would like to incorporate into my daily life:
GRATITUDE: I want to focus on the things in my life that I DO have going for me. No more wallowing in the maybe because I am then attracting that maybe. I have SO much to be grateful for, such as:

My kids are healthy, alive and ARE generally pretty well behaved.
 Calvin is a huge help, he watches the kids, he cooks, cleans, and is a big help with Zander. He's also really creative when he want's to be, and even though he's a little rough around the edges, he means well and has a good heart.
 Kiyra has amazing spirit. She always wants to be a part of what ever is going on and reminds me so much of myself as a child. Her imagination is incredible, she has great taste in music (like her mama) and is a great leader.
 Zander is at such a fun age! He's starting to talk and is really showing his personality. Right now all he can talk about is "car, car, car" and he runs around making car sounds and acting like he's holding a steering wheel. I absolutely adore the look on Shawn's face when he sees him do these things. I feel so good to have given Shawn a little apprentice to be so proud of.
 Shawn has been an amazing husband. I can't believe that we have made it so far. After 12 years of being together, we are stronger than we ever were. He is an incredible source of strength for me and is always there to tell it to me straight. He sacrifices SO MUCH to provide for us and works harder than anyone I have ever known. I admire him more that I could ever express. Most of all, I know he loves me. I KNOW that no matter what ever happens, I will always have him there to lean on and to love.
 My home provides not only a shelter, but a place for me to express myself, to raise my children and entertain my friends and loved ones. I am so excited for spring and the opportunity to grow and connect with the earth that I am lucky enough to call my own while I am here. I genuinely enjoy making improvements on my home and claiming it as my own.
 Taxes! I'm super eager to build my bedroom in the next month down in the basement with my income tax refund. So, right now, I'm super grateful that last year I had a job and that I am planning on putting it to good use. Not only will I create my own space - including an office/work space for myself - I also plan on using some of it to invest in some advertisement for Crowning Lotus.
 My skills as a birth professorial. Because I was inspired to be a part of empowering women and assist them in the most primal and important moments in their lives I have made investments in myself and grown in ways that I never knew was possible. I have shared this experience with numerous women and every birth is as remarkable as the last. I feel blessed to have been a part of each and every one of them. I can't believe I get to do it for a living!
 My framily and what little real family I have has been a huge part of my life, if not my whole life for a long, long time. Since the New Year and starting this 'self discovery journey' I haven't had as much time to spend with my friends as I have wanted to. The ones who love me enough are trying to understand, but I hope that each and every one of them know what they mean to me and that no one is ever far from my heart. I've said it over and over - my friends are my family. I chose them. I love them. Whether they like it or not, they are stuck with me. ;)
 My new friends have been a positive influence on not only my life and general outlook, they have been a support for me on this business journey which has been a long and struggling road for me. I feel like I asked the universe to send me the people that I needed to help me on this journey and that the universe responded, and continues to respond to that request. I'm thankful that my eyes were and are open enough to see it and that I was willing to receive it. This is exactly how I found each and every one of my framily members. I sent out an SOS for them and the universe responded.

See? I could go on and on. Things ARE good. I'm going to try to keep it all in perspective and continue to spend time visualizing what it is I do want. Not how I'm going to get there, I just want to continue to get clear on what I want the outcome to be.

What are you grateful for??

Diet:
Breakfast: Oatmeal & Black Tea
Lunch: Sausage, Peppers & Onions Pizza (homemade on Naan Bread)
Dinner: Taco Salad
Dessert: 3 Mama Munchies Lactation Cookies 
3 Ounces of Mangosteen Juice
Daily Supplements
Eleviv
80 oz. Water

Mentally I feel:
Still not as sharp as I would like, but, I'm feeling a lot better than I have been. I'm still having a hard time  not snapping at the kids, but I think that it's something that is going to subside. I do find myself trying harder than I usually am able to. It's normal for me to over react first and then feel bad about it later.

Physically I feel:
Lazy. I made a point to just hang out all day and I feel pretty good about it. I did not get a headache at all and I didn't have a whole lot of pain to speak of. Still feeling fatigued though, no stores of energy in me or anything. It was REALLY easy to just hang out all day.

2 comments:

AiramanaHeirlooms said...

I love the gratitude list!! Chad and I find perspective is everything. In the grand scheme of things, the things that have been the hardest at the time, have turned out to be the biggest blessings in retrospect.

So, today I'm grateful for the challenges. No great story is without great challenges, right?

Juliea said...

That's a great point, babe. I think a lot of what makes me ME is the things I have survived and flourished from. It's all about learning and valuing the lesson.